One In Christ

While arguments and debates about abortion are being wielded back & forth like weaponry, the real root of the issue lays further beneath whether or not a woman has the right to choose. The real root of the abortion issue is, simply: sex.

After all, it’s sex that precedes any decision to abort. We are a very sexually active society, which leads to many unwanted pregnancies. Thus, also many abortions.

Our society was forever changed by the sexual revolution. It’s no coincidence that Roe v. Wade took place just a few years after Woodstock. The more sexual activity that took place, the more desire there was to abort the natural consequences of increased sexual activity. Ever since, sex has pervaded our media and been immersed into our entertainment, which fuels increased passions to indulge.

Contrast the decades of the 1940s & 1950s with the past 50 years. It used to be that sex outside of marriage was looked down upon. Nowadays, sex outside of marriage is the norm and not having sex outside of marriage is looked down upon. If you choose to abstain, now you’re the outcast.

The core of the problem is double-pronged, like a two-sided coin.


Here’s the two-fold crux of the problem:

  1. Men want to have sex
  2. Women want to find love

Men will use love to find sex. Women will use sex to find love.

“If I let him have sex with me, he’ll love me.”

“If I wine & dine her, give her flowers and/or candies, spend a lot of money to show her that I love her, she’ll let me have sex with her.”

Men will use love to find sex. Women will use sex to find love. It’s a vicious cycle.

Women typically are looking for someone to be a companion, a life partner. Someone to provide her security. Whether physically, financially, or emotionally. Or all three. She may want a romantic relationship of fine dining and dressing up, but even those who don’t want that still enjoy being pursued.

In short, she wants to be loved.

She allows a man to have sex with her because what she really wants is for him to love her.

He may spend a lot of money on her, and even tell her he loves her, but if it doesn’t result in having sex he considers it a failed evening. Or perhaps as a stepping stone toward an upcoming event that hopefully will result in sex.

But really, he’s just looking for sex. And he’ll use the appearance of love to get it.

Men will use love to find sex. Women will use sex to find love.


The consequence is that we are a very sexually active society.

He wants sex. She wants to be loved. As a result, sex happens in almost every dating relationship.

What does the typical dating relationship look like? Well, we’ll assume they’re sexually active. She’s talking about getting married because she wants lifelong commitment. He has no interest in getting married because he’s already getting what he wants.

“Where’s my ring?!?”

He responds, “I’m not ready for that kind of commitment.” Despite the fact that he may have already committed to a monogamous relationship with her (albeit temporarily, at least until someone “better” comes along). Perhaps he’s even committed to splitting finances and sharing home-ownership responsibilities. But he delays marriage because he wants to keep his sexual options open.

Eventually, he gives in to her nagging and reluctantly agrees to marry.

And why is anyone surprised that the divorce rate so high? It’s because so many marriages were merely the next step of a sexually active couple.

Was it really her that he loved, or was it that he loved it and needed to get married for it to continue?

Was it really him that she loved, or did she just love the thought of being loved?

They were sexual partners, so they get married. After some time they realize they don’t really love each other and they split. All they really had in common was sex. Not love.


We’ve lost all sense of what it means to have self-control. The urges are strong and powerful. I get it, I know. The thoughts and desires can be all-consuming sometimes. All we can think about is how & when to carry it out. We can easily get caught up in the notion that our primary pursuit in life is for feminine conquest.

A man who shows restraint sexually is more likely to prove himself to be of high character. A man of integrity. A man who can learn to truly love.

Men, wait until marriage. Sex was designed for marriage. Make sure that it is the woman that you love, and not merely chasing the physical act that represents the oneness of marriage.

In other words, keep your pants on.


Ladies, my recommendation is, likewise, to choose to wait until marriage. Inform a dating partner early on that your intentions are to wait until marriage to have sex.

“But if I tell him that then he’ll leave me.”

Well, then good. If he leaves, it exposes that it was never you that he loved. It was it. You don’t want to get stuck with him anyway.

And what happens if he’s willing to stay with you? What happens if he’s willing to respect you enough to wait until marriage? Guess what, you know that it’s actually you that he’s after and not merely it!

You’d know for certain that you’ve found a man who loves you. You won’t have to “put out” to find love.

I have three young daughters. My intentions are to raise my daughters to be able to recognize the difference between a man who wants sex and a man who loves them. Waiting until marriage is a key component to exposing the frauds and finding the gem.

Please, ladies, don’t give in to the pressures. Commit to wait until marriage. Then you will know that it’s genuine love.

Some women will have sex as a result of their own insecurity. Waiting to have sex until marriage will fill you with the security of knowing that a man who is willing to wait alongside you is a man who truly loves you!


So what does this have to do with abortion?

If, theoretically, everybody waited until marriage to have sex, abortion would be largely eliminated.

Sure, there are examples of rare cases, such as pregnancies as a result of rape or incest (which of course we would assume to be outside of marriage). Or health concerns over a pregnancy gone wrong. Or a fetus that is not developing properly.

These issues would still exist, thus the abortion debate would still continue over these rare cases. But the large majority of abortions are done out of convenience, an avoidance of the natural consequence of our actions. If sex was reserved for marriage, how many abortions would that eliminate? 98% of them? 99%? 99.9%?

We would still be dealing with the rare cases in which some might say abortion is needful, and perhaps there’s more discussion to be had on that front. But as for abortion out of convenience, it would be eliminated.


Honestly, and this may offend some of my Christian brothers & sisters, I’m not entirely convinced that abortion should even be legislated, whether allowed or prohibited. People make choices and there will be consequences for those choices, but I’m not currently convinced that governmental legislation is required.

Prohibiting abortion will not end abortion. It will still happen. Those choices will still be made.

God is far less interested in whether one particular country on earth legislates abortion as a legal or illegal act than Christians like to think he is. God wants our hearts. Whether abortion is legal or illegal, he’s still after the hearts of people and the decisions that they make in life. A change in governmental legislation doesn’t change that at all.

Would I rather that no abortion ever occur in the future history of the world? Of course I wish for that. But I think we’ve done way to much, attempting to legislate morality as though United States policy will bring about the righteousness of God. The righteousness of God is only found in the person of Jesus Christ and those who are united with him. Otherwise, we’re trying to enforce a man-made righteousness on the world, which is nothing short of legalism.

Brothers and sisters, let us be less concerned with what our government does or doesn’t legislate and more concerned about showing the compassion of Jesus to others. The world mocks Christianity because of the self-righteousness shown by the American church establishment. When people who claim to be Christian display hatred toward those who disagree, we lose their attention to share what really matters: the good news about Jesus. When we as Christians spew accusations at others with the self-righteous tone of “I’m right, you’re wrong”, we’ve lost all credibility.

Do not find victory in any decision made by professional legislators. Our victory is in Christ. And Christ alone. That’s where we need to keep our focus.